My husband's little brother, Sean, is 11 years old. My 3 year old loves going to Grandma's house to play with him and visit with the family. They love having him over and it's great to have a place for him to stay when we are taking care of business that requires both of us.

But lately when my son comes home, he says things that lead me to believe that Sean (and actually, Grandma too) is beginning to be a bad influence on him. The last time he came back saying he "hated" this and that. I asked him where he heard that word and he said "Sean hates kids. Sean hates me." So I bring it up to Grandma and she asks Sean did he say that to my son. Of course he says no. He was defensive and denying it before she even fully asked him the question.

There are other things too, though. Like how he tends to tell me "NO!" more after he gets back from a visit. And he'll go over there liking pickles (for example) and come back telling me that they are "gross". Uncle Sean is a notoriously picky eater and Grandma always prepares 2 meals, one for the family and one for Sean, which I think is ridiculous.

As for Grandma also being a bad influence, she refuses to discipline him while he's there. We have a system where if he misbehaves or starts whining a lot, he goes to his room for a cool down. She won't even do that!

Plus, because she is scared of our large dog she's got him terrified of her too, telling him that the dog will bite him. The dog stays gated in the kitchen when she (the dog) and the kids are in the house at the same time. She is also gentle with them to the point that I will let my 18 month old daughter feed her. The reason she stays separated from them is because she is so big and even if she's playing, she could hurt them accidentally. But now he goes in to hysterics when I even walk the dog on a leash through the room he is in, even if she's not near him.

Whenever I bring up the subject with Grandma it's always "Well, kids are like that. There's nothing you can do. You'll learn in time." While I know she's got lots more experience raising children, none of hers have turned out very well. Her oldest is 26, unemployed, no vehicle, lives with her, and is unbelievably lazy. Her middle child (my husband) was in and out of trouble throughout his childhood, did terribly in school, she let him drop-out and go to Home School where she did his homework for him, and stayed in trouble up until we got together and I told him I couldn't be with him if he was going to stay in trouble all the time. And now the youngest, Sean, got into trouble at school for calling his teachers bad names, has gone to "home school," has no chores or responsibilities, is disrespectful, and is allowed to do nothing but lay around all day playing video games, watching TV, and eating junk food. There are no rules in that household.

My son absolutely loves going over there. But I just don't see how I can allow him to stay there without one of us, knowing how she lets him get away with everything and how Sean has been influencing him.

Can anyone give me some advice??
"Hate" isn't that bad when it's used correctly. But in my opinion, a 3 year old shouldn't even know what hate is. What happens when he tells his sister or us (his parents) that he hates them? If he starts using the word to describe other things, it's sure to end up that way.
me: She is not an everyday babysitter. I stay home with my children during the week, and when Saturday rolls around he used to go spend time at Grandma's while Dad and I did maintenance around the house. But with him coming back acting this way, I don't even want him to go then.
Oh, and apparently Britannia Boy doesn't understand what an example is or that children shouldn't be allowed to do certain things (like hit, kick and spit) regardless of the caregiver.
Violet: THANK YOU! Finally an answer that makes a little sense. By the way, the dog stays at our house and my son goes to theirs, so Grandma is never subject to being around the dog. But she has seen the dog and is terrified of her, so she has been telling my son that the dog will bit him if he gets close to her.

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