So hear is the basic outline of my life.
Ever since a little girl I have had shitty friends what could take advantage of me, make snide comments towards me etc.. A couple of years ago I moved to this crappy small village in Scotland. There where only about 15 other people like me, I don't usually get on with people that much but there was a group of 3 people that I got along with. When I was in 2nd year of high school 2 of them which where sisters moved up south. I barely got to see them. The other person lets call her Amanda (that's not her name) had a fall out with me, she made me feel like I was worthless and made it quite clear that she would rather have me move up south than her other friends. After that I tried to make other friends. I met a group of older boys and they seemed nice, but then one day Amanda got on the bus and apologized. I felt sorry for her because she had no friends so I introduced her to my friends. After a while I started to go out with one of them, lets call him Dave
life was good for a while and we all got along. Then one day at the weekend I was going to go and see my favorite band in concert which I wanted to see since like FOREVER!!! I was going to go with "Dave" and his friends, Amanda wasn't going because she didn't have enough money and she barely liked the band anyway. We where going to Dave's house first and then to the train station. "Amanda" would go with us to the train-station to see us off. On the way other I heard her talking to one of Dave's friends, saying horrible shit about me, I was so upset that somebody who I trusted was so utterly and completely HORRIBLE to me that I went home crying (I am a very sensitive person and get easily upset by things like this) I made up that I felt ill to Dave and the other people there. After that, rumors spread (all by amanda). Dave believed them, and soon every single on of my friends that I tried so hard to make hated me, Amanda even gave one of dave's friends my myspace password and he re-placed my profile picture with porn. The next day everyone laughed at me at school. Now Dave has moved on he has a new girlfriend who lives in Germany and is 2 years older than him met her online and has never met her. Amanda has a boyfriend. I feel as though everyone has moved on but me. Dave's friend sent me threatening messages through myspace and other social networks. Even though he has never spoken to me and doesn't barely know who I am, but just follows Dave's and Amanda's orders. Amanda even sent me a message through myspace telling me that she was never my friend and hated me since the day we met and only made up to me to get close to Dave and his friends. She also said that I would be better of dead and should commit suicide. School got to much, I had panic attacks and would burst into tears all the time, embarrassing myself and everyone around me. I was know the laughing stock of the whole school. So I "Home Schooled" for a while. But I never really did much work. In total I have probably missed a term of work. I am moving to a new town in about a month. But I feel as though people will just fuck me over again. I feel like people see me as a gullible chump they can just take advantage of. I know have NO friends. The people who moved up south. I am lucky to talked to them once every couple of months. I feel miserable ALL day. I feel extremely paranoid and even when I am in a room alone I feel as if people are looking though the walls laughing and judging me. I feel worthless all the time and angry at myself for being so worthless and for not handling the situation better. How can I stop this downward spiral, raise my self esteem etc..

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